Sometimes things happen and they seem like the greatest thing imaginable - but you never see the downside because you're being swept along in the rush of the moment. This held very true for this poor chap who was definately having too much of a good thing. I always thought that suffocation would be one of the worst ways to die but he has shown me that there are definately levels to it. Actually, come to think about it, someone was telling me over Christmas that drowning is actually a pretty good way to go as after the initial pain of the water flooding your lungs your body releases massive quantities of endorphins so you die in a euphoric haze. Sweet.

After all those cheery thoughts I now must return to cataloging all of the crap I'm shipping back to the UK. I seem to have aquired 85 DVDs, 500 CDs and about 300 books (from art books to trite science fiction) in my time here. That's an average of 1 CD every 4 days or something like that. Amazing how these things mount up.

Big thanks and shout out to everyone in San Francisco and Sonoma who gave me a luverley, relaxing (and semi-head straightening) week. Just got back after a quick, smooth flight and managing to get bumped to an hour and a half earlier flight. Thanks to SuperShuttle for being stupidly early there and I hope I didn't wake you up Dave and Susan....

Something about the west coast seems to be bringing out the engagements. Went to Sam and Amy's party on Saturday night where I got to hang out with lots of ex-nuncers and had a jolly smashing time. Then on Sunday saw Damien and Trish who recently did the ring thing as well. Must be the air and all that outdoors life that us over-thinking New Yorkers don't see much of.

Now feeling a little bit spacey for a number of reasons and not sure what to do about some things. So much to do over the next two and a half weeks before I start my travels via the U of K. So I'll leave you with a helpful analogy for change that my friend Alicia shared with me: Imagine the thing you need to fix in your life is like an infection on the end of one of your fingers. Now you worry that you don't want to lose your finger, so you cut a bit of the end with the infection, which hurts like fuck but then starts to heal. But then you find, by playing and worrying at it, that the infection has spread to the rest of the finger. So you cut another bit off, again going through the same pain as before. This can continue all the way down your finger until it may even cause you to lose your hand. Better to bite the bullet and cut off your entire finger, saving your hand as well as a lot of repeat pain on the way. Of course the question is, what if you're no good at diagnosing? Should you cut off your finger for a broken nail? Ah, the fun of analogies.

Yesterday, before I came into SF central, I cycled out to the Ravenswood winery in Sonoma. It was a beautiful sunny day and the ride was very beautiful indeed, like France in so many ways. At the winery got to taste feckloads of wine for $4 - merlots, zinfandels and some dessert wines. Normally it's supposed to be limited to four wines but they're so quiet these days. Thanks to everyone up there for a fun hour! My hectic bike ride up the hill after that definately helped to burn some of that back off again even if I never did quiet get to the valley view I was hoping for.

Lot of things in the news at the moment about upper management in Arthur Andersen taking the 5th over the Enron bankruptcy. The 5th Amendment, for those of you who don't know, basically states that you cannot testify if it might incriminate yourself. Now what the fuck is that all about?? Surely anyone who takes the 5th is basically saying "I'm guilty, but if I say anything you'll put me away". Hmm. America is a strange country sometimes....

The subject of honesty is close to my heart at the moment. Sometimes people can seem transparent in their actions and you think they aren't coming clean about what they are really thinking. There's no point telling them that you're pretty certain you know because that will just make them react badly. It's another classic no-win situation. You keep quiet and hope they 'fess up, or you say something and they deny it. I've been on both sides of this and it's always awkward, but the times when honesty has come out has always been the quickest to resolve, whatever way it did.

A few years ago there was a situation with this girl I had been dating - we had broken up but still worked together and were going for lunch a few days a week. Suddenly she stopped going for lunch with me and acted very strangely indeed. I asked her what the matter was and she said 'nothing'. Her behavior got increasingly strange around me during our work day till eventually she agreed to talk to me over lunch. Over the lunch she asked me to stop asking her what was the matter, that nothing was the matter. I asked her if she was seeing anyone. She said 'no'. I said that was fine, that was all I wanted to know, so the reason why she behaved like she did was down to me. At this point she went quiet, and then said, softly, would it matter to me if she was seeing someone? Happiness set in, I'd known this was the case for a while and had felt like I was going mad due to her white lies to me, designed to prevent me being hurt. I said no, so she admitted she had started seeing someone for the last few weeks. It transpired to be the person I'd thought it was which threw her even more.

What was interesting to me about that situation was that I'd normally taken myself to be very insensitive to these emotional situations, but I'd turned out to be completely accurate. Only because someone was lying to me to "save my feelings" had I felt like a complete idiot. If they had respected my feelings and told me everything would have been a lot simpler, but life isn't always that easy. Of course this isn't to say there haven't been times when I've been completely wrong about this sort of thing. I'm not perfect.. honest!!

Finally got the chance to go to Banania last night. I've seen this place quite a few times on the way to Tim's over the years and always wondered about it, so we bit the bullet and went in. Well, probably could have waited a bit longer really. The food was OK but ended up being a lot heavier than it could have been - I've never had a piece of salmon that weighed so heavily on my stomach! Foie gras was nice though and the conversation was excellent.

Also back on the Artist's Way wagon again. For those of you yet to come across this best selling book/process/lifestyle it's all about how to open yourself up to greater creativity and 'awaken the artist within'. Suspect that in my case that's a piss artist, fingers crossed I can get more into photography and other creative outlets though. I've had some good feedback from people recently about my photos (see link on right) and I'm pretty excited about travelling around the world and shooting all the way. Might need to take an extra rugsack for all the film.

Anyway, the key points of the Artists Way are to write three long hand pages of whatever comes into your head first thing in the morning and to take yourself out on an Artist's date once a week (ie, spend time with yourself). I checked out the companion "Morning Pages" book you can buy and realized that the original book I used was about half the size needed, should be letter page sized. So I'm re-doing this all with a much larger notebook now. I also re-read some of the things I'd written when I was doing this over the last year during AccuWeather and September 11th. It's interesting to see who and what was occupying your mind and how you write it all down, reminded me of a lot of things I'd forgotten so it's definately been useful already even if I'm not exhibiting photos just yet... maybe next year.

Huzah!! It has finally snowed in New York this year! A thick layer of white stuff is sitting over everything that doesn't normally have 20,000 cabs going over it a second. Everything looks so pretty. It reminded me of my first snowy New York day back at the start of '99 - looking out of my window on Park Avenue South after wondering why everything was so quiet (the snow was muffling the usual mad road of traffic I used to have to deal with).

The snow helped the touristy qualities of New York for Helen's final full day in town. Having had an extended, crossword solving (well 80%) brunch at Puck Fair we went over to Times Square and then down to the Empire State building. Thick snow was falling all the time which made it hard to look up at all, but Bryant Park looked wonderful. Also introduced Helen to the wonder that is White Castle, a peculiarly American fast food burger chain that sells burgers only an inch square that you inhale rather than eat they are so small. Luverley. Following that a bit of Polish food down at Veselka's where we had borscht, pierogis, polish meatballs and cheese blintzes and consequently felt more than a little bit bloaty. I will miss Polish food when I leave here.

Must be getting old though, or maybe just tired from not being able to lie in these days for some reason - just wake up and start thinking then can't get back to sleep so get up and do stuff to clear my head. We went down to Pioneer last night (Bowery btw Spring and Prince) and the volume of the music just did my head in completely. Suspect this was for a few reasons - 1) I was quite tired, 2) I was trying to have a conversation with my friends Andy, Helen and Ruth and I couldn't hear a word they said and they couldn't hear a word I said and 3) it was bad 70s disco for the most part. We were down there because, in theory, Seb Fontaine might have been popping over to do a quick set for a friend who was having a party there. Didn't sound like he got to the decks before we left though... either that or a new, scary direction for him!

Sometimes people come into your life and it's as if they've always been there, they fit so well. You never have to think about what to say around them, you always seem to be on the same wavelength, perhaps they you even walk together in such a way that you're always level with no apparent effort to dodge round people. When you find someone like that make sure you remember to appreciate them, it's the easiest thing to forget to cherish what exists between you as it is all so simple. Enough already - I'm sure the rest of the world isn't as muppet-ish as I am when it comes to social interactions so you know all this.

In a more film review-y vein went to see The Royal Tennenbaums yesterday with my friend Helen who's in town for a visit. Great movie about a family of three genius children and their estranged parents. Royal Tennenbaum is the father played by Gene Hackman who having lost touch with his children for many years suddenly decides to make things up with them. It's a great story with wonderful comic moments. Go see.

I just want to say a big "THANKS" to everyone who's been putting up with me of late - I know I've been a big mopey, distracted pain in the ass since I got back to NYC. Feel free to slap me whenever you want when I space out.

Big thanks to everyone who's bought stuff from my sale so far. Still some primo pieces left for your enjoyment so peruse at your leisure and let me know if you're interested.

One temporary solution I've found to all anguish (and I'm suffering a bit from that of late what with leaving and all) is to watch Requiem for a Dream. This wonderfully intense film about how people get into drugs and then everything falls apart is enough to make every normal situation you're in seem like eating Ben and Jerry's ice cream by comparison. Mmm... ice cream. Although on the subject of ice cream I've not been feeling particularly hungry recently which is strange for me as I usually like to eat food to cheer me up. Excellent news for my diet/fitness kick!.

On that note - I've been going to yoga down at GoYoga quite regularly so far and it has been great. Come out of those sessions feeling like the world glows and I'm so alive - even if I can't quite bend my spine anymore. I've been going to the beginners classes but they really mix up the levels in there. Sometimes it will be a simple downward facing dog and some bends, then the next lesson they're trying to get you to do handstands! Yep, did OK at the downward facing dog but not so well at the handstands. I have a pathological fear of throwing my legs violently above my body with no support - wonder if there's a word for that? Handstandophobia or the Greek equivalent I guess. Our teacher said it took her two years to even do one so there's hope for me yet...

Bizarro news. Apparently Adam Ant was arrested for possession of a firearm today. How the mighty have fallen... prey to the lure of cheap PR. What makes this even stranger is that when I was back in London with Chris we ended up not going to see him play at the Jazz cafe in Camden - strange enough that he was even playing after all these years.

Roll up, roll up get your fine un-new merchandise here!

Yep - finally got my list of 'things to sell' together and I've posted it up. Now all I have to do is get everything else packed into small (or larger) boxes and then shipped back to the UK. This is in addition to the list of things I have to do for a) moving and b) travelling the world as well as c) my last days in New York (for a while at least). My notebook is full of more lists than the British TV schedules.

Yesterday had a fine time snowboarding up at Hunter Mountain. The snow was half-decent of which the same cannot be said of my snowboarding skills... I really need to spend a solid week boarding rather than odd days where I spend half the day remembering how to board and the other half being too tired to actually do it. The day trip was from Paragon Sports just off Union Square and involved getting up at 5am - yes, there is a 5am not that it's any friend of mine.

After we got back went out for Ruth and Ben's 25th birthday celebrations down at Pioneer (Bowery btw Prince/Spring). This is another cavernous bar much in the same vein as Sweet and Vicious round the corner although slightly more welcoming and less packed with out of town folk. Also randomly bumped into Caroline, my favorite barkeep from Puck Fair. Celebrations continued until around 2am making it almost a 24 hour day on the go. Don't get many of those outside of trans-atlantic trips. Now I'm feeling decidedly wobbly so I should probably go lay down...

I thought yoga was supposed to make you more limber and flexible not too achy to walk?!!?!?!?

Decided to get a month yoga membership to help pass the time while I'm still in New York. Theory being of course that because it's a month unlimited membership I'll go more... Nice theory, not sure it's ever worked before, and especially not when I'm hella-hungover! Still, had a good session yesterday and it helped me get over some of the current stresses and frustrations of my New York life.

Not having a regular job gets kinda boring after a while. I've never been the best at setting my own goals and working at them and although this is all good practice it's not coming easily to me. There are some really big things I need to organize but I find myself just doing the smaller ones and thinking about stuff that isn't helpful. Plus there's a whole heap o' distracting stuff on the Internet!

Yep - it's finally decided to snow in New York! Taken it's own sweet time about it too. Big flakes drifting gently down from the sky and completely failing to settle on ground soaked from a night of rain. Oh well, might have to wait a few days for those white New York scenes I like so much, or for making snowmen.

Meanwhile I'm kicking off on my big list of "things to do before leaving New York". Worst of these is arranging shipping/selling of everything I own here. After three and a half years I have a whole heap o' crap (TM) to deal with. Some sentimentally important, some financially valuable and some that are just there, in decreasing order of how difficult it is to decide of course. Shortly I should be posting a list of things that are going up here so watch this space....

Back in the US again - sunny New York City is outside my window with the usual chorus of sirens trilling away on the streets below. Flew back yesterday with the delightful Virgin who, having saved me an hour of queuing through the use of my silver card then decided to upgrade me to Premium Economy for the first time ever. Yee-haw! I'm now thoroughly hooked and will be contemplating how to get a non-economy flight back to the UK and then a non-economy round the world ticket. The thought of spending 20 hours in a plane to some far off country in cattle class does not appeal...

Other thoughts now fill my mind - which parts of my life do I pack up and ship back to store in England while I travel and which to leave behind? Don't have a huge budget for shipping so that will help keep me to the bone on what stays and what goes, plus most of the electronic equipment won't work so that's easy. What of the less physical aspects though? The friendships and behaviors I've developed over the years? At least this time I'm emotionally more prepared for such upheavel, something that I totally underestimated three and a half years ago when I came here from London. Still scares me a bit though - the through of just leaving stuff and stepping away for a while, if not ever. Never was very good with change, so this is a great opportunity to get better at it. Chocks away...

Labels: life lessons, travel

A very boring title I'm afraid - that time of year when my braincells are currently trying to re-group and remember how to function. Just got back to Camberley after hanging out with Chris and his chums in Golders Green for most of the last week. This was my first visit that far north in London and it was quite loverley - a relaxed residential haven that only takes about 30 minutes to get you into Leicester Square. Golders Green is also remarkable for a London suburb that doesn't have amazingly restrictive parking, definately a blessing (and a quick thanks to mum for lending me her car there).

New Years Eve was again spent at Whirl-y-gig, a hippy, trancey dancey thing where you bring your own booze and is consequently a very cheap night out. The crowd there is very chilled and friendly indeed, totally luverley and I met a lot of really nice folk, both random and mates of Chris.

Now the excitement has started to wear off with the hangover and I'm faced with the reality of a month closing down my affairs in New York City and preparing for another chapter in my life to start - Matt the World Traveller. Hmm... all sounds a bit Harry Potter to me (of which I have to say the third book in the series is the best so far, but the film is unmitigated shite - go see Lord of the Rings instead, it's wonderful).

2001 highlights and thanx to (in no particular order):

• Alexa - for teaching me so much about photography and everything else.
• Culebra - a small island off Puerto Rico where I saw turtles laying their eggs on my most amazing night ever so far (and thanks to Tim for getting us there).
• Aimi - for fun, support and a great cooked breakfast.
• Alicia - for re-awakening my wander lust even if I wasn't ready to wander at that time.
• Max & Kelle - for being them and being there.
• Chris - for chilled out fun and conversations about nothing and everything.
• AccuWeather - for teaching me so much, with special thanks to Parsh Mehta, Martin Sheridan, Jim Greco and Brian Amamoto.
• Quidnunc - for laying me off, a double edged sword that's made me get my shit together again.
• Guiliani - for showing why he's always been the right Mayor for New York - calm, competent and caring (even if he's not so keen on dancing). My thoughts are still with all those who lost loved ones on September 11th.
• And all my family - for just being them.

ps, this website can now only be reached through ultrahi.tripod.com (not matthewhobbs.net or sushification.com). I realized I was spending a bomb on owning names I didn't really use so I stopped paying and a few months later Network Solutions actually noticed!

Labels: clubbing, england